aka
The Never Dead
Directed by Don Coscarelli. Screenplay by Don Coscarelli. Starring A. Michael Baldwin, Bill Thornbury, Reggie Bannister, Kathy Lester, and Angus Scrimm as The Tall Man.
88 minutes.
Okay, I've seen Phantasm about six times now. I've seen Phantasm II about a dozen times. I've seen Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead a few times, too. And I STILL can't work out what the hell is going on in these movies. There's another one, called Phantasm IV: Oblivion, which I haven't managed to see yet. But something tells me it's not going to help me understand what the fuck Don Coscarelli is trying to do with these movies.
That's not gonna stop me tracking it down, though. I love Phantasm. There is nothing in the world like these weird movies, all of which are from the same writer/director and feature most of the same cast. I like Phantasm II even better, although it replaces A. Michael Baldwin with James Le Gros. Don't worry, because Baldwin returns in the other sequels, which makes for a weird effect if you do a Phantasm series marathon - something I'd recommend.
I really don't wanna spoil this one for you. It's cool as hell, with weird ideas galore. If you've already heard of it, odds are someone's already spoiled it. I can't give a spoiler-free review, so I'd appreciate it if you stop reading at the end of this sentence, go out and rent Phantasm, smoke a couple of fat ones, and sit down and watch it. If you INSIST on knowing, read on.
Okay, the selling point of Phantasm is the spheres. Flying silver balls that puncture your forehead and suck your brains out and spray them all over the place. You've never seen anything like it. The main bad guy is an ultra-creepy undertaker known as the Tall Man, played brilliantly by Angus Scrimm. The Tall Man is stealing bodies and turning them into dwarfs... Look, just go get it and watch it, okay?
I risk the wrath of the Tall Man by only giving it eight out of ten, but that's just 'cause I like Phantasm II even more.
© 2002 Joey Narcotic.